Back as an inpatient

MBT Week 8: Individual Session

TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDE ATTEMPT

I was still feeling very agitated and upset when it came to my individual therapy session on Thursday morning.

My therapist was concerned about my hopeless thinking and thoughts of suicide and said she’d talk to my occupational therapist on the phone.

I went off to volunteering that afternoon in a daze. I was tired and I felt like a robot. The racing thoughts of suicide have continued, especially at night, all week.

Yesterday I decided it was time to put my plan into motion. I got up early Friday and headed to the tall multistorey car park at the top of town.

I went in on one of the top floors and wandered around. I peered over the edge and dared myself to jump. The ground swam up and down under my gaze.

My legs turned to jelly. My heart started racing and I got really scared. I walked just outside the car park, still level with one of the higher floors.

I sat on a bench in an ornamental garden and texted my occupational therapist, asking if she could phone me.
To cut a very long story short, she wound up talking me round, she stayed on the phone and almost step by step talked me into going to the CMHRS. It was a very emotional conversation.

She came in to work because I couldn’t talk to anyone else. I burst into tears when I saw her. There was a long day of waiting around to be seen and lots of people asking me questions.

I got given an apple from my occupational therapist and a cup of milk from the home treatment team, because I hadn’t eaten anything.

Eventually a guy called Thomas assessed me and found me a bed on a local inpatient unit. I got brought here and everything had been a disorganised mess. I spent most of yesterday evening crying. I’ve got no key to get into the dorm room where all my stuff is. I feel like I have died and now I’m in hell.

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3 thoughts on “Back as an inpatient

  1. So sorry, but glad you are safe at least. Sending healing thoughts….

  2. Pingback: Borderlion | MBT Week 9

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