MBT Week 11

Group

Group this week was okay. Someone was feeling very suicidal and the session focused mainly on them, as well as some other people who were having some pressing issues.

I shared the information that I had asked my partner to move out and that he had moved out on Sunday. I didn’t mention that I have another partner who I live with. I didn’t want to get into all that.

I commented on what people had said when I was ‘picked on’ for being quiet. I said that I could really relate to what the suicidal person was saying, and that I know it’s different for everyone but that I was feeling that way just a couple of weeks ago and now things are starting to improve, incrementally.

I also told a member of the group I thought they were brave for offering help to the depressed person, when the person didn’t really want to hear that support. They were braver than I, anyway.

Individual

I just got out of my individual session so it’s all a little raw.

My therapist said that the group leaders had said that I had some useful comments for people this week. I was surprised and pleased at that feedback.
I talked about how I felt guilty about my partner moving out. It’s hard for me to stand by my own needs. This is all new to me.

I talked a lot about my family. I told them on Monday that I had been in hospital and also about my partner moving out.

I had expected them to have very little reaction and I was right. That little kid inside me that has never been expressed wanted them to say “I’m sorry things have been hard for ypu” and give me a big hug.

My dad was sullen, silent. My mum was silent and obviously trying to control her emotions – mustn’t show feelings! And my sister, as I expected, came out with something condescending that put the onus back on me.

She said that I could have told them when all this was going on (I waited, not wanting to worry them). She said they were always there for me when I need support.

This is clearly not true! I was being honest with them and getting  zero support, zero emotional reaction. How can she say that when faced with two silent parents?

As for her I have called her in an hour of need before and she let me down in the worst way possible. So this statement was an outright lie, implying that if I only reached out to them for support they’d be there. This is simply not the case. I kept quiet. Knowing I’d be blamed for kicking up a fuss if I disagreed. The patterns from childhood continue.

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4 thoughts on “MBT Week 11

  1. Sounds like you individual session was hard. But you made it through this last week. Many kudos for doing that. Depression and suicide is very hard, as I am dealing with it daily too.

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