I’m still here!

I’m sorry I didn’t write a post last week, things got on top of me a bit because I had group therapy and no one-to-one because my therapist is on leave.

I was scared that if I tried to write about it it would all get out of hand and I wouldn’t be able to control my feelings and get through the time until I get support again.

I’ve got a phonecall from the cmht scheduled for tomorrow. Perhaps I’ll be okay.

Group last week was very intense. I opened up more about my feelings of responsibility for the way my dad treated me. I felt like the therapist was saying that it was partly my fault what happened and I tried to ask him if this was what he meant. I know my feelings about it might cloud what I hear. I didn’t get a clarification from him. It was upsetting.

This week there is no group and no one-to-one either. I’ll be seeing my social worker on Wednesday though.

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7 thoughts on “I’m still here!

  1. Group does sound intense. It might be a good thing that there is no group this week so you can ‘rest’ until your T is back again. I’m waiting for mine to come back from holidays also. take care

    • Thanks Ellen, how are you doing without your therapist around? How long are they away?

      • He’s away for two weeks, so a three week break altogether. In a way, it’s nice not to have to delve into painful feelings for a while. In another way, it makes me very anxious when he’s away. We scheduled one short phone call while he’s gone, so that helped me realize he’s still alive at least, lol. Therapist vacations are tough. Hang in there. By your thumbs if needed. 🙂

  2. It must be upsetting not to get any clarification of what the Therapist meant. I wouldn’t “TRY” speak to him. Perhaps it might be appropriate to corner the Therapist after the group and ask exactly what he meant.

    Abusive behaviour from a parent during childhood years is not appropriate under any circumstances. Maybe your behaviour was a problem but it is definitely not an excuse for being treated badly. Perhaps this is what the Therapist is trying to convey.

    • I can only think that must be what he’s getting at. I asked him directly several times during the group session for clarification but he wouldn’t give it. It was very frustrating and upsetting for someone like me who has been invalidated growing up. I just have to work on not caring what his opinion of what happened is, and concentrating on my own understanding and developing that instead. I do think him not clarifying something so crucial was unprofessional though.

      • Yes, if the Therapist had been like that with me, I would have been devastated and furious – a full on Borderline drama!!. What a cheek deliberately ignoring your need for clarification. I also think it is unprofessional and would “have him” at the next meeting!

      • Haha well exactly. I’m not quite sure how to deal with it but I think part of it will have to be to admit that I left feeling angry because of it.

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