MBT Group Week 19
I was admitted to hospital again yesterday evening, exhausted after battling suicidal thoughts all weekend.
Thankfully I was able to attend MBT group today. It gave me a chance to get away from the ward and to talk about some of the things I’ve been struggling with.
I talked a lot today, about my dad and my family in general and how I feel that they blame me for the conflict with my dad when I was a kid. That I was a bad kid. That I believe this, I start to believe it when I have spent a lot of time with them, as I have recently.
I cried and the other members of the group were so lovely and supportive. I felt exposed and vulnerable but now, after, I feel glad I went and grateful I opened up and got that support.
Now I’m back on the ward. I hate it here. I think I needed something but now I am over the peak of the crisis it is not good for me to be here. There is no care here. There is only hostility from the nurses and support staff.
I didn’t sleep because I had no meds and a lady in my dorm was snoring her head off. Talked to a doctor today so should have meds tonight. Hoping to be out on Thursday. Friday latest. Going to struggle to get through that time. Want to go home now now now.