Inpatient again

MBT Group Week 19
I was admitted to hospital again yesterday evening, exhausted after battling suicidal thoughts all weekend.

Thankfully I was able to attend MBT group today. It gave me a chance to get away from the ward and to talk about some of the things I’ve been struggling with.

I talked a lot today, about my dad and my family in general and how I feel that they blame me for the conflict with my dad when I was a kid. That I was a bad kid. That I believe this, I start to believe it when I have spent a lot of time with them, as I have recently.

I cried and the other members of the group were so lovely and supportive. I felt exposed and vulnerable but now, after, I feel glad I went and grateful I opened up and got that support.

Now I’m back on the ward. I hate it here. I think I needed something but now I am over the peak of the crisis it is not good for me to be here. There is no care here. There is only hostility from the nurses and support staff.

I didn’t sleep because I had no meds and a lady in my dorm was snoring her head off. Talked to a doctor today so should have meds tonight. Hoping to be out on Thursday. Friday latest. Going to struggle to get through that time. Want to go home now now now.

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2 thoughts on “Inpatient again

  1. I’m so sorry to read you have been in hospital. You are right, it is better to be on the outside. Your courage to leave asap is commendable.

    It’s brilliant that you were able to open up in the group. Perhaps your family branding you a “bad kid” is their way of excusing the bad behavior you were subjected to. You were the kid, he the adult…

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