Individual MBT Week 23

Just had an awful session with my individual therapist. I felt like she was annoyed with me or just thought I was stupid. I know I’m probably being paranoid. I felt very uncomfortable being in the room with her.

I tried to talk about how things have been for the last week. I feel like we made no progress. I got angry because I was desperate that I’d be able to cope better after this session and I feel shit and the memories will continue to bombard me. I feel like I’m left to continue trying to cope on my own and how much longer can I put up with feeling this way, having all these memories attacking me and feeling horrible about being near people?

I said sorry for getting annoyed at the end and she said it’s ok and that she didn’t take it personally. She said I’ve done well to stay out of hospital the last couple of weekends and that I did well to go to group.

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5 thoughts on “Individual MBT Week 23

  1. I want to suggest an alternative view, that perhaps she really was annoyed about something momentarily. Life is often frustrating and annoying, and its possible you are especially sensitive to these fleeting states in other people. So you may be simply projecting your own annoyance with yourself–which I can understand, since I was terribly annoyed with myself just this morning, or it may be that she really did feel annoyed about something during your session. It might not have been you. She could have suddenly remembered she forgot to pay a bill out of the blue-the way we sometimes remember things–and felt annoyed with herself. And it’s possibly you might have noticed that flicker of annoyance before she refocused her attention on the task at hand. It’s even possible that she felt momentarily annoyed with you for a second–we all get frustrated with others sometimes, even people we care very deeply about, and it’s possible she had a lapse in her patience with the process of therapy and trying to help someone else. We have these little bits of feelings and then they go away: we tell ourselves things that get us back on an even keel again We say, “I really wish this were easier,” and then remind ourselves, “But I chose this profession not because it was easy but because it helps, and I really am helping this person.” So it’s possible you aren’t paranoid, but very perceptive, and just make the mistake of giving other people’s feelings a significance they don’t really have.

  2. I think it’s OK that you were annoyed and expressed that a bit. It’s your T’s job to work with any feelings you bring, though maybe she is not doing a great job with that. I would be very frustrated also. Keeping your feelings to yourself is what maybe leads to the acting out….

    Would it be an option to skip group for a week or so until you are feeling more stable?

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