Someone I know took an overdose to attempt suicide at the weekend. She survived it, thank goodness. She’s not someone I know really well, but it got me in the gut, I guess because it is an act which has been so much on my mind lately. My thoughts are with her at this difficult time.
I’m aware that I’ve been avoiding doing things that I don’t want to do lately. This has meant that instead I’ve been doing some different things to usual (trying out running, and going to new social events), and I actually think this has been good for me.
I’m still struggling with being really irritable with my partners. I don’t know why they put up with me, to be honest, I’m really not worth the trouble. I just feel horrible inside and being around people that see that, and know me well and demand emotional connection with me seems unbearable right now. At the same time, I’m so grateful that they ARE there, and terrified they will leave.
Now I’m turning my thoughts to group this week, which will be tomorrow. I’m going to try to take part more this week and push myself to speak more. Wish me luck!