I just about survived Christmas. I became full of dread of Christmas Eve and ended up taking a small overdose. Of course, I still had to deal with seeing my family the next day, and acted as if everything was fine. I put on that mask again. A lady in group cried a little when I mentioned the OD. I feel guilty.
As I posted on Twitter lately, my issues with food are well and truly back. I have been losing weight since I started therapy back in April last year. I am as fixated on food and weight loss as I was in the past. My family commented that I am thinner. I’ve lost over a stone all together, so far.
It is helping me to feel in control, though I know this is a lie, and that the obsessive thoughts about my body and food are what control me. I am giving myself up to it right now though, because I don’t know how else to survive.
I have a stressful appointment coming up next week that I am very anxious about. The results could have a hugely negative impact on my current situation. I feel like there’s never any stability in my life for long.