Today my therapist commented that she is concerned about my visible weight loss and proceeded to quiz me about it. I’ll admit that I was defensive as I really didn’t want to discuss it. As I’ve mentioned on my Twitter, I am struggling with eating issues at the moment and losing weight quite rapidly. I suppose I should’ve expected her comments but I didn’t think it was that obvious.
There was no group this week, which I thought would be a welcome relief but I sort of oscillated between forgetting it was cancelled (and worrying as though it was still happening) and sort of missing it in a weird way. As I said to my therapist, I’m worried I’ll become dependent on it and it’ll finish. As she pointed out, we’ve still got a year left though. Still, I’m afraid to get too attached. Probably to do with abandonment issues, but by holding back I am missing out on the attachments altogether.
She wants me to talk more about the sexual abuse. I touched on how it has affected my sex life (ie, I don’t have one now!) and she says she thinks it affects me in lots of other ways as well and we should talk about it more. This terrifies me because of how bad the flashbacks got when I talked about it just a little before, and I told her so. I know shoving it back down and not addressing it isn’t a good option either.