I can feel myself floating away from the world. I’m distancing myself from the people around me because it’s too painful to try to reach out and make those connections at the moment.
I know in the long run that coping in this way causes further pain. I’m trying to dampen that effect by forcing myself to reach out to a certain extent to certain people. Posting here is an example of that.
I’ve been feeling very alone with my eating disorder. In some way that’s how I like it, but I know it’s dangerous to be completely alone with it. So there’s one friend I have talked to about that. I also ended up opening up a little to one of my partners because he was suspicious anyway (we live together) and it was the elephant in the room. Having spoken to him means I can eat separate meals and feel more in control of my eating as well. I didn’t spill everything, just explained that I’m having anxieties about food at the moment.
He said he feels I’ve been distant lately. I don’t feel that he’s been making the effort to connect either. Hopefully having talked about this will mean a start to being closer together. I’m not sure how I’ll cope with that.