The Job Centre

I always leave the job centre feeling like shit about myself. I haven’t had to go there much in the last year or so thank goodness but they’re changing things and they say I have to go there three times a year now. They said the actions I’m taking towards work (volunteering, therapy) are fine for now though.

My social worker thinks I should be in the support group of ESA and not work-related activity. Now that they are saying I have to go to the job centre more, which has been a great source of stress for me, she says it’s the right time to apply.

You’ve probably heard about how ATOS, the company that do the fitness for work assessments, are terrible at what they do and are basically meeting government targets on throwing people off benefits. It is especially hard to be found “unfit for work” if you have a mental health condition, and even harder if that condition fluctuates in severity the way BPD does.

I just don’t know if I can survive that process again. I feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. Al I want is some fucking stability to try to recover, instead of this constant fear that I will be left with nothing to live on and for that matter, no where to live (as housing benefits are contingent on other benefits).

My social worker says we can discuss my options next time we meet. Until then I’m trying not to think about it too much – obviously that’s easier said than done.